Goodbye

illustration portrait of Trudi Murray

The good thing about drawing is that the very action of it helps you to figure things out.

You might not even be setting out to draw anything right now. You might be working on something else entirely – a piece of writing that’s not going your way, perhaps.

So you move across to a piece of paper and a pencil (or an iPad, yes, I need help, I’m so addicted to it, although apparently the Procreate app is not the only thing it has. But it’s the only thing I’ve opened!), and you let your brain have a rest and you draw.

Don’t draw a thing that might become a thing you could sell, if indeed you were at all good at selling anything. That’s fatal. You’ll start wondering how you will ever become better at marketing, and then you’ll beat yourself up and cry and the whole thing will lose its shine.

Just draw, dammit.

And things will come.

In my case, today, as happens quite often, it’s a picture of my own self, even though I can tell you, I’m so sick of my own self I could post myself to Alaska.

It’s funny when this happens, because I can tell then I’m worried about something.

I’ve got to go to hospital in a few days. I don’t mind telling you – I’m scared. I’ve made such a fuss – been wilfully obstructive about the whole thing, despite most people involved being so patient and caring and supportive.

I just don’t want to have an operation. I don’t want it one little bit. I don’t want to be put to sleep and chopped about and bits removed and sent off for tests. What does that even feel like, having a general anaesthetic? I don’t want to know. I am not at all curious about it. And what if I don’t wake up again? Or what if I wake up somehow altered? (All those very patient people above might perhaps be glad of that).

And, needles. Wah! I can just faint at the thought of them.

And don’t even think about the results of the tests.

It will be OK. I’ll be in Alaska anyway.

 

*Goodbye, if I don’t wake up ever again. It’s been fun. But if I do, I’ll be back next week – or possibly later on at the weekend, because I just know it – I’ll be insanely bored sitting still and resting.

*Incidentally, have you heard David Gray’s version of Say Hello, Wave Goodbye? It’s up there in my favourite songs. Such a sweet melody, and yet so brutal. Including some of my favourite lines in a song ever: ‘As for me, well, I’ll find… A nice little housewife, who’ll give me a steady life/ And not keep going off the rails’. Ouch. And, sorry, Mr Murray (Ha!).

Listen right to end for the gorgeous instrumental bit, and where he goes off piste. And I recommend listening to that part with your eyes closed, I always do πŸ™‚

 

 

 

9 Comments on “Goodbye

  1. With Trudi…..loving your ladies…..bye for now. Jean S

    • Hi! Almost totally recovered now – it took a lot longer than I’d thought. Have totally dropped off the Folksy radar – given up a little, and got distracted by life in general, and other work! Hope to be back soon xx

      • I only recently noticed you had dropped off the radar, because I have been off the radar myself a bit. Nothing serious like you, just visiting parents, half-term etc..
        Glad you’re on the mend.
        Loving your recent work.

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