charcoall illustration of man

The cat came back from vet hospital at the weekend… and we were all so happy to see him, apart from his sister, who seems to have forgotten who he is. I guess he smelled all wrong. He seemed OK, but as the evening wore on, I began to feel something still wasn’t quite right.

We gave him the medicine as instructed (this did not sound easy to achieve, but somehow we did it, though I think it was more of a fluke than anything!) and left him for the night as settled as we could manage.

In the middle of the night, I woke up. I went down to check on him. Oh dear – it was obvious he wasn’t feeling good at all, and he looked terribly thin and was growling in pain.

Back to the 24 hour vet we went (this whole thing has been out of hours!). What a rather unsettling drama it was, pulling on clothes at 4.30am and driving through deserted streets. We were right to go – it was an emergency all over again.

He’s still in the vet hospital – no one can say whether he will come home again. Only time will tell. I feel almost as scared of him living as I am of him dying. Are you allowed to say that? It’s the truth, though. I just want to know what’s going to happen one way or another – the waiting is stressful, and I keep on crying, and I don’t even know what I’m crying at.

Oh well. It’s life. To help me along today, I made a timetable for myself, with the thought that I simply have to follow the allotted tasks and then go to bed, with not much time for thinking. It works quite well! It’s nearly 5pm already, so it’s a good strategy.

I made myself go to life drawing, and then after lunch I had written down that I’d tackle something creative. I made a funny little video, because 1. I’ve not made one for ages and 2. it was quick.

I cringe at the sound of my own voice, and when I showed this video to Felix just now, he said ‘Aw! It’s very you’. Interpret that however you will. (!)

I sound pretty cheery in it, because that’s just me (apart from temporary bouts of gloom now and again). Cheery even in the jaws of death.

Don’t worry. All will be well.



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