Broken pieces

How I feel about you: Angela

How I feel about you: Angela


It’s been quite a week, since Saturday, and it’s only Wednesday. Today is the first day I feel even vaguely like myself.

I’m typing this in hospital on my phone with one finger of my left hand, as my right arm is receiving elephant strength intravenous antibiotics for a weird infection that came on suddenly late on Saturday night.

What a drama! I won’t bore you with the details,  but make sure that if you romp around the park and have a tiny cut on the back of your ankle, you stay away from nasty germs that might get in, call some friends and start having a party deep in your leg’s skin tissue.

The result: a hot, swollen, nauseous, confused and feverish mess – getting worse by the hour – the primary stages of a quite scary situation that without these drugs can easily escalate.

Thank the Lord for being able to rush to the hospital.

It’s been pretty full on – a bit chaotic and unusual. And I don’t like needles AT ALL and there have been plenty.

The worst, most distressing thing for me though has been feeling so dis-abled. My Mum had 3 diseases the calibre of which you’d be unlucky to encounter once in your life, never mind in triplicate. She was very disabled and it broke my heart to watch. So many stories, but hearts so broken into pieces must be carefully handled and I haven’t got my white gloves to hand right now so I can’t tell you them.  I’ll just say that not being able to move, being in such pain, feeling so out of control… it opened up the vault where I keep those broken bits of my heart and in shock, I was forced to look in. They still beat, and the sad song they sing is still the same.

Still, the door to that vault is closing a little bit more each day as the infection in my leg is receding. I’ll be glad when it’s finally tight shut again. I don’t know any other way to go through this life. I can walk past that vault but I can’t go in. I know it will never go away. Just having it there is enough.

I’d rather move on, and romp around the park in the Spring sunshine. Or maybe not! Is there really danger everywhere?!

Be careful.

PS: if you read my cheery Facebook update it was the drugs talking! And thank you to everyone who has looked after me so well. What would I do without you?

PPS: today I have crutches! Bring your snails round. I will race them.

13 Comments on “Broken pieces

  1. Feel for you Trudy…..been in what sounds like a similar situation.with an outsized leg……can be praying for you.
    Jean Simmonds

    • Thank you Jean! I’m so much more myself today. One more hospital trip tomorrow and I might be released back into the community!

  2. Dear Trudi, I hate to think of you going through all of that. What a shock for you. But most of all the psychological effect it had. How awful to have all those memories opened up. You are very brave and strong. Hope you mend soon. X

    • Yes, it was quite a shock! It escalated so quickly. Anyway, all is well now – no more IV needed, I can be at home now and see how it goes.

      I’m coming back to life drawing after Easter – will you be there? Hope so! Xx

    • Yes, it’s been interesting! I’ve just been in hospital again today for more drugs but hopefully that’s the end of that now. I really do have to take it easy though 🤕😆

  3. Glad you have good medical care!

    I grew up with a mom who has chronic pain, and now I’m a Physiotherapist in a Chronic Pain clinic. Unfortunately, my mom has cut out most people including me. But, I’m trying to work on my relationship with myself and with Chronic Pain anyways. Not easy, but worthwhile.

    Wishing you all the best in your recovery, Sarah

    On Wed, Apr 5, 2017 at 7:05 AM Trudi Murray Art and Illustration wrote:

    > trudi posted: ” It’s been quite a week, since Saturday, and it’s only > Wednesday. Today is the first day I feel even vaguely like myself. I’m > typing this on my phone with one finger of my left hand, as my right arm is > receiving elephant strength intravenous ant” >

    • Thank you Sarah! Life is not always easy is it. I know this all too well! Keep going – we will get there in the end. I am feeling much better now – definitely on the mend I think. 🙂

  4. Dear Trudy, how beautifully written. How inspired and talented you are to capture your thoughts and feelings during such a traumatic time. Thank you for being so brave to share them. Sadly, many of us have a “vault” for our feelings. You have reminded me to share mine occasionally. Hope you feel better soon.

    • Thank you Clare! That’s so kind of you to write. It was quite a raw, emotional few days..! Interestingly, whenever I have written about my ‘vault’, it has caused a positive reaction and I’ve had lots of messages about it. It’s something that does interest me greatly – how we deal with grief and pain, as human beings, and how everyone does it differently, and so personally and often privately, and yet, it’s so good to share thoughts and ideas on the topic. It can be very helpful, I think. Well, when is talking not helpful?! Feeling much better this week – thank you! 🙂

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