It’s been quite a week, since Saturday, and it’s only Wednesday. Today is the first day I feel even vaguely like myself.
I’m typing this in hospital on my phone with one finger of my left hand, as my right arm is receiving elephant strength intravenous antibiotics for a weird infection that came on suddenly late on Saturday night.
What a drama! I won’t bore you with the details, but make sure that if you romp around the park and have a tiny cut on the back of your ankle, you stay away from nasty germs that might get in, call some friends and start having a party deep in your leg’s skin tissue.
The result: a hot, swollen, nauseous, confused and feverish mess – getting worse by the hour – the primary stages of a quite scary situation that without these drugs can easily escalate.
Thank the Lord for being able to rush to the hospital.
It’s been pretty full on – a bit chaotic and unusual. And I don’t like needles AT ALL and there have been plenty.
The worst, most distressing thing for me though has been feeling so dis-abled. My Mum had 3 diseases the calibre of which you’d be unlucky to encounter once in your life, never mind in triplicate. She was very disabled and it broke my heart to watch. So many stories, but hearts so broken into pieces must be carefully handled and I haven’t got my white gloves to hand right now so I can’t tell you them. I’ll just say that not being able to move, being in such pain, feeling so out of control… it opened up the vault where I keep those broken bits of my heart and in shock, I was forced to look in. They still beat, and the sad song they sing is still the same.
Still, the door to that vault is closing a little bit more each day as the infection in my leg is receding. I’ll be glad when it’s finally tight shut again. I don’t know any other way to go through this life. I can walk past that vault but I can’t go in. I know it will never go away. Just having it there is enough.
I’d rather move on, and romp around the park in the Spring sunshine. Or maybe not! Is there really danger everywhere?!
PS: if you read my cheery Facebook update it was the drugs talking! And thank you to everyone who has looked after me so well. What would I do without you?
PPS: today I have crutches! Bring your snails round. I will race them.